關於愛して

自由恋爱

我如常日在床边散步,披着大衣没穿袖子,听见敲门声和我妈前去开门,我快速走到门口只看见我舅放在门口一桶油,还掂着一桶油上楼去了,去我三姨家了。听着我妈说“你咋那么多事呢”还有我舅渐淡的脚步声,以及敲门开门,我三姨也是说“你咋那么多事呢”。我摇摇头,一言不发,进门回屋头都没回就用右脚往后蹬了一下关上门,我回到床边拿了一本书开始翻,看着感觉不对。看到了隋唐五代两宋辽金,我寻思着我应该才看到南北朝了,就知道拿错了。

我舅去楼上也是油放门口就来我家了,如今已有30分钟过去了,外面我舅我妈我三姨在那说的依旧热闹。开始我也参与了这个热闹的讨论,是我三姨家的姐姐和外省男朋友的问题。我就两句话“我对我姐就一个建议,就是少听别人的建议”其实就是一句话。再多一句都没有,可能还会发表不同看法,但离不开这两句话,不会有更多大方向上的建议。这句话我也常用于我对我的一些晚辈对我提出升学考试专业选择或感情问题的答复,当然他们也可以依据这条建议的本质,不听这条建议,我觉得如此甚好。

人应有自由选择配偶恋爱结婚的权利,而且是每个人都该有。这个自由只有一条限制,就是不能因为你的自由而让配偶不自由。在合法的前提下,比如不能重婚、抢婚、性骚扰等,自由恋爱的基本人权不得被干涉。在合理的前提下,比如两厢情愿一往情深相见恨晚相谈甚欢一见钟情久处不厌,亲戚朋友有责任保护恋爱关系中的己方,可提建议但也不得干涉

合法没问题,只要愿意谁都能读到法律,没有什么门槛。但是在合理的前提下,合理,这个地方的出入是最大的,因为大家谁都有理,比如有认为近墨者黑的,有认为出淤泥而不染的。可笑那些人能说出这些话,写出来这几个字的时候就不会写了,我就曾当场让说这话的人写这几个字,我就见过有墨字不会写的,有淤字不会写的。还有就是广泛的不知道这两句话的出处作者和时代社会制度和政治经济和思想文化。所以我经常认为我有资格认为他们不讲理,并且愿意给他们讲道理。事实也没那么绝对,如果尊重事实,这些话就没有标准答案,但每个人都有读的权利和理解的权利和说的权利。用伏尔泰的话来说,我否定你说的每一个字,但我誓死保护你说话的权利

在讲道理的时候,人人平等,但人生来就是不平等的,除了尊严。那就请在讲道理的时候尊重别人,尊重别人的尊严,比如在别人说话的时候,不要打断,可以听不下去有纠正的意图,那就请说一句“我打断一下”。讲道理也有限制,就是不能不让别人讲。普遍的情况就是讲的时候不让别人讲,所以我很少说话(不是别人不让我讲,也是)。

但是爱这个东西,本来就是非理性的。说爱是个东西其实就是有些错误,爱不该是thing,而是feeling,爱是多年审美的一个爆发,一般情况下就是一见钟情。我要是问你什么是爱,你凭什么爱她,典型的伪问题。你思考你为什么爱她,那就上当了,那就没有为什么。当然和合理合法也有矛盾,但如果不敢直面这个问题,就不能进步。比如我见一个爱一个,我说,我是感性的,爱情就是不讲道理。我今天审美和明天审美不一样了,我爱上别人了,我是feeling,你别给我说thing。这也是不被广泛包容的,但是我还可以说我就是feeling不是thing,你们随便说。这个问题存在而且不见得只是个别情况。所以再说一句话就是当事人也应该在feeling里有一些理智,慎重思考一些thing,用句常说的话就是对自己负责,如果能对别人负责和互相负责就是和谐社会再发展下去就是实现共产主义了。

说远了。水一篇文章,继续看书了,王导灭亲。王与马,共天下。好累,再会。

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24 thoughts on “自由恋爱

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